ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
literature
English Sonnet IV
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
For I felt it first in the silver sound
Of the quick swallow behind wild hedgerow,
In the gravel churned on tire turned ground
And air that rushed through your car window.
Short have we languished in these sunlit scenes,
Not ten times have I softly held your hand
And surely as you grace my star-soaked dreams
You are beautiful to your last gold strand.
At the highest point on the Warden hill
We'll find each other at the end of day,
Share in a heat, impervious to chill
As time stands still and the world is away.
So let us lie above the Luton lights
And long for an age of these perfect nights.
Of the quick swallow behind wild hedgerow,
In the gravel churned on tire turned ground
And air that rushed through your car window.
Short have we languished in these sunlit scenes,
Not ten times have I softly held your hand
And surely as you grace my star-soaked dreams
You are beautiful to your last gold strand.
At the highest point on the Warden hill
We'll find each other at the end of day,
Share in a heat, impervious to chill
As time stands still and the world is away.
So let us lie above the Luton lights
And long for an age of these perfect nights.
For Sian.
(Who hopefully won't find this creepy.
)
oh and I know I overstepped the syllables on line VIII, don't care!
(Who hopefully won't find this creepy.
)oh and I know I overstepped the syllables on line VIII, don't care!
© 2009 - 2024 Penessence
Comments29
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Overall Vision Originality Technique
ImpactFirst of all, I don't think you need as many commas as you have used. In the first stanza, for example, I don't think any of your mid-line commas are necessary. For me, it just interrupts a nice thought.
Feel free to ignore my next thought which is that I, personally, would substitute 'gold' for 'blonde' especially since you used 'silver' in the first stanza.
"Star soaked dreams" is lovely. I'm not positive if it's required, but it seems like it should be 'star-soaked'.
And is 'warden' meant to be a proper noun or is it being used as an adjective?
Also, in the last line, I find the semicolon a bit confusing and out of place.
All of that being said, this is a lovely sonnet. Tender and sweet-all the things a sonnet should be. It's not particularly profound, but it doesn't need to be. You convey real and honest emotion and it's nice to see a cheerful poem from you!